Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus
by my-soul's-retreat
Summary: "Never tickle a sleeping dragon." A collection of one-shots centered around the happenings of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
1. Peas of a Pod

**Peas of a Pod**

Characters: Fred, George, McGonagall, Hermione

Book: Order of the Phoenix

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Thank you for your time.<p>

* * *

><p>"Ok, this is our last shot. We only have a finite supply left and little Miss Perfect Prefect is just waiting for a chance to find it. I think she's sent her bloody cat after it, I saw him snooping around in your drawers this morning, Gred. Good thing you're not allergic to them, just imagine that nightmare!"<p>

"You mean to tell that's why I've been itching all day, because of bloody cat hair? Thank Merlin, here I thought my balls were going to fall off."

"I'm sure Madame Pomfrey would have loved to treat that one, my boy. Too bad I called dibs on her our first year, huh?"

"Yes, but you seem to always forget that I had called dibs on dear Minny our first year as well."

"You scoundrel! McGonagall is not yours! You simply cannot call dibs on a woman like that!"

"A woman like what, Mr. Weasley?"

"…"

"…"

"Miss Granger, kindly go tell Filch that the first floor hallway will need immediate cleaning and that there are two students here that would be glad to assist him. And thank you for the warning."

"Of course, Professor!"

"And, as for you two, I'm sure that if you begin cleaning now, you just might be done by dinner time. I suggest that one of you start over there by 'Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes" and the other by the decapitated toad labeled Umbridge."

* * *

><p>AN: I hope this sets the tone for the rest of these one-shots, some of them will be connected and some won't (I'll be sure to reference the ones that are) and some of them will be humorous and some won't. The only thing I guarantee is that all of these one-shots will be set in Hogwarts. I hope you've enjoyed this first chapter! I really enjoy writing Fred and George. :)<p> 


	2. Sir Nicholas de MimsyPorpington

**Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington**

Character: Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington (Nearly Headless Nick)

Time: Any

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I do not own this.<p>

* * *

><p>His name was Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington and he was a coward.<p>

The thought is almost laughable considering he's the ghost of the house of Gryffindor, a house he himself belonged to more than five hundred years ago; a house that is known for the courageous, the brave, and the daring students that are selected to be in it. The thought becomes downright crude once his achievements as a knight for Henry VII becomes known, once the idea of the heroic feats he accomplished when he was still alive are researched.

But he was still a coward.

Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington knew that his death had become common knowledge, not even that, it had become a well-known _joke_ to the students of Hogwarts. He was forever more "Nearly Headless Nick", a man whose death has become a source of amusement, whose pain (forty five times with a blunt axe!) has become something he shows off.

No, even after five hundred years, it was still difficult to forget the torturous night that he spent wandless and afraid in the holding cell. Difficult to forget the horrified priest who accompanied him to the chopping block, one whose very religion was being questioned by the magical things he revealed (_"I can change her tusks back! Just give me my wand!"_). Sometimes, Sir Nicholas wonders what he would have done if he had gotten through to the man and got his wand back – at that point his good name was already besmirched, his life ruined.

Perhaps some would see his death as the final brave act of a resilient man (forty five times with a blunt axe!), but Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington was not a coward for the life he lived, no Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington was a coward for the choice he made as he died.

Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington chose to remain as a ghost in the afterlife for he was a coward who feared death. He was a wizard of noble blood who lived amongst the muggles, infallible and strong in his position. He would be completely honest if he were to say that he never did think about his death as a human because it was never something he thought he should fear. Even now, Sir Nicholas can see the irony that his every thought now as a ghost are ones that concern death and its mysteries.

As he roams the hallways of Hogwarts and greets every new student who walks through its doors, he is left to wonder about the choice he made and the answer to the mystery he left behind. He is left to watch as the students of his house die, sometimes young and sometimes old, each one braver than him, each one embracing the one thing Sir Nicholas feared the most.

He was Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington of the Noble Mimsy-Porpingtons, knight to Henry VII, savior of the plummeted villages, student of Hogwarts, and a Gryffindor.

He was Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington and he was a coward.

* * *

><p>AN: I can't believe this story is so different from the last one, but it was calling to me and demanding that I write it down. I hope you still liked it, though! Also, all of the information in here is actually canon, just changed a little for the story, and if you would like to read more about Sir Nick's background just go to JK Rowling's website. :)<p> 


	3. Piece of Cake

**Piece of Cake**

Characters: Ginny

Time: The Chamber of Secrets, 2nd Year

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I do not own this. Thank you for your time.<p>

* * *

><p>Ok, she was going to do this.<p>

She had prepared everything she was going to say the night before and even the quite rude mirror in the 3rd floor lavatories would be charmed by her effervescent conversation. First, she was going to start off with a nonchalant greeting to let him know that she really could in fact speak, "Hello Harry, how's your morning going?"

Then, she was going to listen to his dulcet tones (ok, so maybe his cracking voice wasn't that pleasant to hear…) talk about the morning he had.

If it was a good morning, Ginny was going to laugh girlishly and make a joke while slapping him on the back of the head. That was what Parvati and Lavender meant when they said hitting guys was the way to show them you like them, right? Or was it "hitting on guys"? Well, either way she would hit Harry and he would know that she meant serious business.

"Oh that's nice to hear!*insert girlish laugh*I've had a great morning too, let's just see how long it lasts with Malfoy roaming the halls.*hit Harry on the back of the head*"

_Note to self: Do not get fingers lost in Harry's mess of hair when hitting his head, could lead to very awkward situation. _

But if it was a bad morning, Ginny was going to apologetically lay a hand on his shoulder and brighten his day with her wit. Then she was supposed to "envelop him" according to Lavender and Parvati, and since the two ran away giggling after that, Ginny could only guess that she was supposed to wrap him up in a blanket.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Harry.*put hand on his shoulder, do not faint* But I'm sure my presence is making your day brighter already!*envelop him with a blanket*"

_Note to self: Find a blanket._

Not only that, but she had bribed all of the house elves with her mother's rump roast recipe if they made sure to remove all butter dishes from the Great Hall during breakfast today. Yes, in fact she had planned all possibilities and today was the day that she would finally have a decent conversation with Harry Potter!

"Hello Ginny, how's your morning going."

Blushing. She was blushing. Why was it so hot in the Great Hall today? She needed air, her brain can't function without air!

"Er- Harry! It- grace- well nuh- loveleryness- the gravy!"

"Erm, yes. My morning's going quite nice, except I can't find any butter for my toast this morning. There doesn't seem to be any butter in the whole Great Hall."

His morning, yes something about it being good, what was she supposed to do now? Hit him and laugh?

"Ow, Ginny! What was that for?"

Wait, he said something else. Butter? Oh, no the house elves!

"Butter, yes, the elbows. Butter bad. Not seen the butter, yes."

"Uh, yes. Well, there's Ron so if you'll – Ginny, why are you holding a blanket?"

Blanket? Oh, yes to envelop Harry Potter!

"Ah, Ginny no! Let me go, I can't breathe!"

* * *

><p>If you were to ask Ginny later that day how her mission went, she would simply smile and say that it was a piece of cake.<p> 


End file.
